Our Story of Loss and Hope

This is the picture we took at the beach in May that we planned to use to announce my pregnancy with our third baby, who was due to arrive in January.  I loved everything about the picture, because it showed the pure joy and excitement we were feeling to share the news that our family of four would soon be a family of five.  Sadly, we were not able to use this picture for an announcement, because soon after it was taken we found out we lost our precious baby.  

I have gone so back and forth about when and how to share our story of my miscarriage.  It is almost hard to even type that word...miscarriage. Unfortunately, we live in a world where these things are kept quiet and maybe shared with a trusted few. Women are left to mourn silently and behind closed doors and feel like they can't openly talk about their loss.  As I shared my story with friends and family (because I am pretty much an open book about everything,) I came to realize just how many people had experienced loss like ours.  Nothing helped me more than the support of those that had been there, and I knew I wanted to share my story at some point in the hope that I could provide some support for someone else.  

I initially decided I would open up about our loss when (and if) we were blessed with another pregnancy.  I thought it would be much easier to share the pain when it was a distant memory, or when it was "erased" by the joy of a new baby.  As I have walked through this season though, I have realized it is not a new baby that will make the pain go away, and I been convicted to share my story now.  

We found out I was pregnant when we were visiting Sea Island for a work trip for Phil.  It was a little unexpected (especially for Phil who can't seem to figure out how this keeps happening to us), but we were both SO excited.  We knew we wanted to expand our family but had planned to wait until later in the year to start trying. I am one of those freaks that can just tell when I am pregnant, so I bought some tests on the way down to the beach at a drugstore without telling Phil.  I took one on the first day of the trip, and it was negative, and then I tried again on the last day, and BOOM- (look closely, it's faint, but it was there!)

 With the positive test brought all the excited emotions.  On our drive home from the beach we decided we would not find out the sex this time, but agreed on a girl name and a boy name (we are seriously decisive and a little crazy).  We also made plans to sell my car and get a minivan (yes a minivan, eating my words over here) and talked about turning our guest room into a room for Annie to free up the nursery.  When we picked up Cole and Annie from my parents' house, we excitedly told them the news.  We shortly after shared about our pregnancy with close friends and family.

As the weeks went on, something just did not feel right to me.  I was so sick and flat out miserable with my first two pregnancies, and I just was not queasy AT ALL this time.  Friends tried to reassure me that every pregnancy is different, and I tried to tell myself maybe they were right.  I am a HUGE worrier, and I am pretty quick to think of the worst case scenario, so I hoped that I was just doing my usual thing and worrying for nothing.  I was bloated and tired, and maybe God was just letting me off easy with no morning (all-day) sickness this time around.

The bloat was real ;) 

The day before we left for our family beach trip, I had my first doctor's appointment.  By my calculations, I knew I should be in my sixth week, so I was excited to see the heartbeat (since I had seen a heartbeat at 6 weeks with both Cole and Annie.) Once again, something wasn't quite right.  I was measuring 5 weeks and 5 days, and there was no heartbeat yet.  The nurses and my doctor reassured me that measuring a little off was totally normal and that everything looked great.  I was POSITIVE, though, about my dates, and I had tested positive super early. My doctor said he would re-scan me right when I got home from the beach, but I left for our trip feeling a little uneasy.

Once again I tried to have faith and reassure myself that everything was fine and enjoy my beach trip.  We had a great time with family, and I told myself when I got home I would get to see the sweet little heartbeat.  We even took our announcement picture for social media (priorities, right?!) on our last day (the picture at the top of this post.)  Phil wanted to take the picture, but deep down I did wonder if we would ever be able to use it.

When we got home from the beach, Phil unpacked and re-packed to go visit his mom in Alaska.  I eagerly awaited my appointment that Tuesday afternoon.  My mom was watching the kids, so I went by myself.  My doctor wanted to do the scan himself (I think he wondered if something was off as well.)  The second he began the ultrasound, I knew something was not right.  I asked what was going on, and he said it did not look good.  "Is there a heartbeat?!" I asked desperately.  He said yes, but it was very slow.  I instantly burst into tears as he told me what he saw, and pure devastation washed over me.  I asked if there was any hope for the pregnancy to continue, and he told me a story of a time he was wrong.  I finally looked at him and said, "Give it to me straight."  He said he was 99 percent sure this pregnancy would not continue.

Hearing this, I just wanted it to be over.  I know that sounds terrible, because this was a life and a gift from God, but knowing this baby was going to die and not knowing when was almost unbearable to me.  I asked him how long and when it would be, and of course he could not give me an answer.  He said he wanted to see me again in a week, and he thought the heart would stop beating by then.  It is hard to even describe the emotions I felt leaving that doctor's appointment.  I called my mom and my best friend absolutely hysterical.  I was unable to reach Phil as he was on a deep sea fishing trip for 12 hours without cell service, which only made it a million times worse, because I had to relive it the next day on the phone all over again.  When I got home, I just sat on the couch and cried.  Sweet Cole came and sat next to me and held my hand and told me he didn't want me to be sad (he didn't know why I was sad...we had not told him yet, and I am thankful for that.) I felt so numb and just wanted to be alone, which I also hate to admit.  You would think I would want to hug my sweet babies, and I did, but really all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and cry.

My mom offered to spend the night, but I really wanted to be alone.  I hardly slept at all that night.  I stayed up crying most of the night.  The hardest part for me was knowing the heart was still beating, but it would soon stop.  It was also hard to share that news with others, because so many people had hope for me because there was a heartbeat.  My dad called me that night and was so sweet and told me that only God knew the fate of this baby.  While his hope was uplifting, I knew in my heart what the outcome was going to be.  Having to prolong it felt like pure torture.

When I went to get Cole in the morning, I guess he could tell, because the first thing he said to me was, "Mommy, I don't want you to be sad.  I want you to be happy and do the dishes."  I will never forget that sweet little innocent heart, and it makes me smile to think that Cole thinks doing the dishes is my happy place.  I was so drained that morning, though, I sat on the couch in my robe and let the kids eat goldfish for breakfast.  They were smashing them on the rug, and our house was a mess.  My best friend Katie, who was 8 months pregnant and has a two year old, came over at 7 a.m.  Times like these are when you realize how thankful you are for true friends, and words cannot even describe how thankful I am for Katie and how she was there for me that awful week.  She took one look at me and said, "I am taking the kids outside.  Clean up your house and get dressed and then we are going to do something."  She came over every day that week and either helped me or took my kids with her.  It makes me cry just writing about it, because she took care of me at my lowest point.

Pool day with Katie and Marlie Kate 

I ordered Chinese food that night, and my fortune said, "You will have many friends when you need them."  It was a sweet reminder to me that God was going to hold me up and take care of me when I needed Him the most.  He wrapped his arms around me in the form of my sweet friends, and I will never forget the love I felt from them.

While it was probably the hardest week of my life thus far, the one thing I can say is that God showed up BIG TIME.  I felt his love more that week and the next than I probably ever have in my life.  As I opened my phone that morning after my appointment, the first thing I saw was a post from a friend I used to work with.  It was a picture of her one month old baby, and she said that it was exactly one year ago to that day that she had found out her baby had no heartbeat.  She said looking at her sweet baby was a reminder that God has a perfect plan and promises a rainbow.  I felt compelled to send her a message, as I thought it was divine timing that she shared that message.  Her response and the support she provided my over the next few weeks was overwhelming and a true blessing from God.  I probably connected with her more than anyone else, and the words she shared with me and encouragement and understanding she provided really helped heal my heart.

The week continued to be tough, and by Friday, I could not wait any longer.  I called back the doctor and made another appointment.  When I arrived at the office (with sweet Katie who came with me) my doctor said he had already cleared his schedule for Monday and scheduled my D&C.  He wanted to do anything he could to speed up the process for me.  He did another ultrasound, and this time he could barely find a HB.  It was only beating at 20 beats per minute, and he felt confident it would stop within the day, if not the hour.  It was weird to feel relief, but I was ready for our baby to go to heaven, and I wanted this nightmare to be over.  I came home from my appointment to find beautiful tulips on the porch from a sweet neighbor who had also experienced a loss similar to ours, and a beautiful basket of flowers from another sweet friend.  Both brought me to tears as I felt so cared for during my grief.

Over the weekend Phil came home.  Initially it was a little bit of a rough transition considering he had been gone, and I had been dealing with everything alone.  I felt like he wasn't mourning or grieving like I was, and it made me resent him. We struggled for a couple of days, and when I opened up to a friend, she and her husband insisted on coming over to pray with us.  This was yet another example of God stepping up.  When they left, Phil and I prayed and cried together.  He told me how sad he was, too, and I was thankful to finally feel him opening up.  We decided we wanted to name our baby, and for some reason we both felt in our hearts we were having a girl (maybe because in the ten minutes after I told Phil I was pregnant, we heard 3 songs- "In My Daughter's Eyes," "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," and "Dude Looks Like a Lady"...crazy!)  We decided on the name Hope, because this baby gave us hope and reminded us of God's promises and love for us.  We also felt something change in our marriage that night.  Experiencing a loss like this brought us closer together.

I was feeling confident going to the doctor Monday morning, ready for my surgery.  We had to go to the office first to confirm the heart had stopped beating, but I felt so much peace, I was certain it had.  As my doctor started the ultrasound, I instantly saw the heartbeat flickering on the screen.  I couldn't even believe it.  My doctor confirmed that the heart was still beating...very inconsistently and the baby had not grown at all since 6 weeks, but there was still a HB.  He once again told us he was certain this pregnancy would not continue, but he couldn't give us a timeline.  He was off that Thursday and told me he would perform the surgery if I wanted to put myself through another ultrasound Wednesday.  This was the point in the process that I absolutely LOST IT.  I pretty much had to be carried out of the office and was beyond inconsolable.  I honestly feel so bad for anyone that was sitting in that waiting room watching me leave. It was an ugly scene.

How was I crying for a heart that was still beating?  Looking back, I do feel some guilt for that.  That baby was mine, just for a short time, and I was his or her mom.  In that moment, though, I felt so much fear and desperation.  I wondered if this would go on for weeks or months.  All I wanted was for God to take this baby home.

The rest of the day was a blur.  My mom had the kids, and Phil and I came home, and I laid on the couch numb.  I was drained and just so defeated. Phil had told everyone at work when he left that morning, that I was having a D&C that day. So when we got home, he reached out to everyone and explained what was going on.  Once again, the love and support we felt by his co-workers and their wives can only be described as divine intervention.  So many of the men called him and offered to pray with him or shared similar stories of their own losses.  So many of their wives reached out to me and offered prayers and to bring food.  My uncle also reached out to Phil and offered advice from his own experience with dealing with loss.  The support was absolutely AMAZING.

That night, we decided to pick up the kids and do something fun.  My heart was only half in it, but we took the kids to Catch Air.  The time we spent with them there was truly good for my soul.  We laughed together and enjoyed our babies, our two healthy, precious babies.  It was a reminder that we had so much to be thankful for, even during a time like this.

The next night, my small group friends wanted to get together to pray for me, and this is a night I will never forget.  As we sat outside on our leaders' porch, these amazing ladies spoke to my heart.  Out of the 6 of us, 4 had experienced miscarriages.  They let me talk and listened to everything and comforted me with stories of their own loss and the ways God had showed up.  They prayed over me, and I left that night with a perfect peace.  I knew I had an ultrasound the next day, but this time, I was okay if the heart was still beating.  I trusted that this was God's plan and His timing, and I made the choice to love the baby in my belly for as long as I could.  I had already seen the ways God taken care of me, and I knew that ultimately his plan was perfect.

The next day, I went into my appointment with a calm confidence.  As the tech began the ultrasound, I covered my eyes.  "Do you see anything?"  I asked her.  She paused for what felt like ten minutes and told me she didn't think the heart was beating.  A wave of relief and deep sadness washed over me and I just said, "Thank you Jesus for taking this baby." I had so much fear for the unknown and desire for God to take the baby, that the amount of grief I felt in that moment hit me hard.  I cried tears, oddly peaceful tears, for the life of our sweet baby.  I felt an overwhelming sadness that it was over.  I started to leave the office and realized I never got a picture.  I came back in and asked the tech if she would print one for me.  I wanted to have one, even if the little heart had stopped beating.

My doctor scheduled me for surgery the next day.  I went into the surgery feeling peaceful and ready to start the healing process.  It was honestly a very pleasant experience (as pleasant as something like that can be...I asked for a double shot of the "margarita cocktail" in my IV.)  I went home to a delicious dinner cooked by a neighbor and rested with Phil.

The next few days and weeks were a rollercoaster.  I want to share a few of the emotions I experienced and what I learned  (a lot of which was shared by others who had been down the same road.)

First, no one would ever care for that baby in the same way that I did, not even my husband.  I think this was one of the hardest things for me, because I did not want the baby to be forgotten.  I almost didn't want to move on, because I didn't want to forget this baby, and I didn't want anyone else to either. One of the first things I did was print our announcement picture and frame it in our house, because I wanted a daily reminder that this was a life and a baby that was already loved. I think this honestly freaked Phil out when he first saw it, but it really has been a sweet little reminder for both of us when we look at the picture.

No matter how many kids you have, loss is still painful.  I know we are blessed beyond measure with our two healthy children.  I almost felt like I couldn't grieve, because we should be thankful for what we have.  The loss still hurt, though, and it should be okay to grieve that life.

No matter where you are in your pregnancy, loss is still painful.  I carried the baby for 9 weeks, and I can't imagine how it would have felt to have experienced loss later in pregnancy.  I know there are many that have, though.  There are also people that experience a loss earlier, too.  When you are a mom, you love that baby the second you see that positive pregnancy test.  It really doesn't matter if you carry the child for one week or 12, the loss still hurts.

Time really does heal. When I was in the pit of grief, I felt like I would never stop crying.  We are coming up on the two month mark now, and my heart has really healed.  I still feel sad when I think of the baby, but I feel peace about the situation, and I have hope for the future.

It is okay to talk about it.  I found so much healing in opening up to friends and family members who had experienced pregnancy loss.  Each of them provided support and just the words I needed to hear when I felt so alone.  Even though it is a lonely place to be, you don't have to experience it alone.

God will show up, and He will take care of you.  He does not promise the perfect outcomes, but he promises to love you through it all.  His love for me has never been so evident as it was when I was dealing with the loss of this pregnancy.

I think one of the biggest things I have learned through this experience is how pointless all of my worrying is.  I worried with all of my pregnancies about the worst case scenarios and wondered how I would ever handle a loss.  Well I did experience a loss, and guess what...I am okay.  God showed up, and I came out on the other side.  The worrying, even in a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, didn't change the outcome one bit.

I am moving forward from this experience with so much hope for the future.  The hope doesn't come because I am certain God will bless us with another baby (although I do pray really hard that is in his plan.) Instead I have hope, because of the hope from our heavenly Father.  I am His daughter, and that sweet baby was his child, and it is a hope that no matter what happens in this life, He will carry me through it.  Thank you Jesus for loving me and for loving all of my babies more than I could ever love them.

One week post surgery.  We sure have a lot to be thankful for :)

P.S.  Thank you to everyone who prayed for us during this time.  Thank you for the flowers and cards and meals and texts and for just being there.  We have the BEST family and friends!

Mama Judgment

Mom judgment.  It’s an U-G-L-Y thing.  I really had NO idea about this crazy, intense, opinionated world until I became a mom myself.  No one told me that moms wage all out wars on topics such as crying it out, what you feed your kids, and breastfeeding, but oh my goodness do mamas get a little crazy when it comes to this stuff. Lately it has gotten much uglier, too.  With stories in the news like the little boy who fell into the gorilla pit and the absolutely tragic story of the boy killed by an alligator at Disney, there have been the most hateful, judgmental reactions. People are jumping to cast blame on the parents and especially the mamas, and that is just so sad to me.

About six months ago I was taking my two-year-old and 9 month old to the grocery store. I was not in a hurry or particularly distracted, and we run errands like this pretty much every day.  As I was loading my baby into her car seat, she squeezed the packet of fruit she was eating all over herself and the car.  I buckled her top straps and stopped to clean up the mess.  I then loaded my son into the car and left for the store.  On the way, our painter called, and as I was talking to him, I heard yelling and crying from the backseat (nothing out of the ordinary in my car.)  I got off the phone and turned around as my two-year-old yelled, "sister Annie is standing on her head!" To my horror, Annie was not only out of her carseat, but she was on her head in between the seats with her feet in the air.  I absolutely panicked and (thank the Lord) was able to pull into a turn lane, jump out of the car and load her back in.  I am pretty sure I was still shaking hours later.

In the chaos of cleaning up the mess, I had forgotten to finish buckling Annie's bottom straps, and she had wiggled out of her seat. How could I have been so careless? What if I had gotten in an accident?  What if she had flipped over the seat and seriously hurt herself?  I shouldn't have been talking about paint colors; I should have been paying attention to my babies. Not my finest moment as a mom.  Thank the Lord, no one was hurt, and luckily for me there was no one to witness this moment (well until now.)  Had something happened to my precious baby, I can only imagine the reactions.  "What kind of mom doesn't buckle her child into the car seat?"  "I bet she was on her cell phone."  Well, I was on my cell phone.  I did make a mistake.

Look, the judgement coming from non-parents is one thing, because let's be honest, when someone without a child shares an opinion on something they would "never" do, I just have to laugh.  I used to be one of those judgy non-parents staring at screaming kids in public, and then God gave me Cole.  Nothing will break you down and make you realize you have no idea what you are doing like the most strong-willed child in the universe that loves a good public scene.  What really bothers me though, is the moms judging other moms.  It is hard enough as it is.

I don’t think it has always been like this either.  I am pretty sure our moms just did things the way they wanted to do them and didn’t really give a darn about anyone else.  I don't think my mom was sitting around wondering if other moms were judging her because she was feeding us Kraft macaroni out of a box (I can still taste that deliciousness, by the way. My poor kids have to eat the Annie's organic stuff.) I also don't think that when a child got hurt, the first reaction was to blame the parent. When I was 10 and jumped out of a tree and hit my head, I can still remember my sweet neighbor running up my driveway to help.  She was on a walk and saw the knot on my head and immediately offered to watch my little brother while my parents took me to the ER.  There was no, where were the parents?  Was her mom even watching her?  Instead it was, HOW CAN I HELP?

 Unfortunately, times have changed, and social media has brought with it a whole new level of awareness. While it can be a wonderful way for moms to stay connected (I seriously LOVE seeing pictures of my friends' babies), with this new awareness has come some serious judgement and negativity. A friend of mine was recently struggling with quitting breastfeeding because it just wasn't working for her and her baby. She was agonizing and crying many tears over this decision, and it just happened to be breastfeeding awareness month. She said there were only like a million articles talking about the benefits of breastfeeding just mocking her on her newsfeed...as if it wasn't hard enough.

So where does this leave us? We live in a different world today, and we know more and see more, and sadly, there will always be judgmental people.  There will be people hiding behind their computer screens with ugly things to say. There will be moms posting articles on the best food to feed your kids and the sunscreen that isn't poisonous (don't even get me started.) So, the question should really be, as moms, what can do for other moms?  A few months back, I was leaving Target and Cole was having an epic tantrum, and it was so bad, I could barely load him into the car.  Another mom noticed the commotion and walked up to me.  She asked how she could help me and said she had been there, told me I was doing a great job staying calm, and then offered to return my cart for me.  I will truly never forget her kindness.

I ask you mama friends, what would it look like if as moms we all responded like that? Here is the thing; whether we believe in cryng-it-out or co-sleeping, breastfeeding or formula feeding, organic all the time or Chick-fil-A every day...WE ALL LOVE OUR KIDS AND WE ARE ALL DOING THE VERY BEST WE CAN.  We need to stop the judgement. We need to remember we all make mistakes...lots of them. Who knows better than other moms how gosh-darn hard it is. We need to say more, "You are doing a great job" and less, "I would never..." We need more, "I've been there, too" and less "How could she?" I think most importantly, we need to remember to simply ask, "How can I help?" I think that would be a really good place to start. 

Meal Planning Monday- Chicken Pasta Salad

My mom has been making this yummy pasta salad recipe for years, and it has recently become one of my favorite go-to lunch dishes.  Nanna got the recipe from her sweet friend, Linda, and not only is it tasty, but it is so stinkin' easy! (Let's be honest, I don't make anything that is not easy.) It is the perfect meal to make on a Sunday and eat throughout the week.  My mom makes it for lake weekends, and it is always a hit with everyone.  ENJOY! :)

From the Store:

1 pack chicken tenders (I like Publix Greenwise chicken)

1 box tri-color rotini

1 pack ranch (not buttermilk)

3/4-1 cup mayo

3-4 stalks celery 

onion (2-4 tablespoons finely chopped)

salt and pepper

1. Finely chop the onion.  (Use 2-4 tablespoons depending on personal preference.  Since the onion isn't cooked, it can be strong, so be sure not to use too much!)

2. Chop the celery.  (I usually use around 3-4 stalks, but you can use more or less.)

3. Boil chicken (20-30 minutes.) I use chicken tenders, because they're easier to cut up, but you can also use chicken breasts.

4. Boil pasta according to instructions.

5. Cut chicken into small pieces (I like to use my meat scissors.)

6. In large mixing bowl, mix the pasta, chicken and a packet of ranch.

7. Add 3/4 cup of mayo and the onion and celery to the bowl.  Mix well.  Add more mayo if needed (I usually end up using around 1 cup.  You can also wait to add the extra mayo until after you refrigerate the pasta.)

8. Salt and pepper to taste.

9. Refrigerate and serve cold. ENJOY! :)

Recipe Card:

1. Finely chop onion (2-4 tablespoons.)
2. Chop celery.  (I usually use around 3-4 stalks, but you can use more or less.)
3. Boil chicken (20-30 minutes.)
4. Boil pasta according to instructions.
5. Cut chicken into small pieces (I like to use my meat scissors.)
6. In large mixing bowl, mix the pasta, chicken, and a packet of ranch.
7. Add 3/4 cup of mayo and the onion and celery to the bowl.  Mix well.  Add more mayo if needed (I usually end up using around 1 cup.  You can also wait to add the extra mayo until after you refrigerate the pasta.)
8. Salt and pepper to taste.
9. Refrigerate and serve cold. ENJOY! :)

A Letter To My Friends That Are Planning to Vote For Donald Trump

Dear Trump Supporters,

I have started and stopped this blog post several times over the past couple of weeks, because I keep thinking to myself, what is the point?  If you're still supporting Trump at this point in the race after all he has said and done, there is really NO changing your mind.  I think that is what is becoming abundantly clear: as Trump said himself, he could shoot someone in the middle of Times Square and his supporters would still vote for him (yes the leading presidential candidate actually said that.)  I am still going to share my thoughts on what an absolute disaster I think it will be if Donald Trump were to be the Republican presidential nominee, though, because I feel like I have to do SOMETHING.  I can't just sit by and watch this disaster happen.  I know, I know, at the end of the day it is all in God's hands, and I can only pray for the future of our country, but still....if I can change the mind of at least one person voting for Trump, or at least make them think, then I am doing something.  So here is my best shot.

Trump fans...I get it.  I get that people are so angry with the way things are.  I am angry, too.  There are probably not many people that have a stronger dislike for our current president or are more disheartened by the state of our country than I am. I literally cannot stomach president Obama, and I have largely been in denial that he is actually the President of the United States of America (for almost 8 years now, 8 LONG years.) When he speaks I have to turn the channel on the TV, because I just can't.  I don't think he is just incompetent either. I have to agree with Marco Rubio on the line that he has gotten slack for repeating at the New Hampshire debate...Obama knows EXACTLY what he is doing.  He has been a divider-in-chief, and the America we are living in now already looks drastically different than it did when George W. was president.  Say what you want about that man, but George W. Bush LOVED this country, and I do not believe the same of the current president.

So here we are at this election and people want CHANGE.  People want someone that stands up to the crazy politically correct society that Obama has created.  I will admit that in the beginning of all of this, I started to warm up to Trump.  I never dreamed in a million years he would be the nominee, but I thought it was refreshing that he said what was on his mind and called out the media for their ridiculously left bias.  I thought that although he would not make a good president, he was opening up some important discussion. He became the voice of many Americans, and he clearly hit a nerve with people, and that is why his support grew so rapidly. As time has gone on though, and I as I have seen and heard more (and done my research) I have realized just how dangerous it would be to elect Donald Trump as the Republican nominee.

First off, I don't think he joined the presidential race because of his love for America.  I think he joined it because he has an ego the size of Texas (okay, Texas is way too small)  Ever notice what it says at the top of all of his buildings..."TRUMP" in huge gold letters.  I don't think anyone could argue that the man doesn't loves himself...A LOT. He spends more than half of his time at debates and rallies talking about his poll numbers and how much people like him.  It is honestly crazy to me that he is able to focus so much on himself and so little on his plans for the country and still gain support.  He basically praises himself and calls everyone else idiots, and for some reason people applaud him. In the most recent debate he was asked how he was going to get Mexico to pay for this wall he keeps talking about and he had NOTHING. He couldn't even begin to answer the question, yet that has been one of the main issues he has run on.

One of the scariest things to me is Trump's conservative beliefs are so new. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind and joining the conservative party... I think that is great.  However, the best predictor of the future is what has happened in the past.  He has been a HUGE supporter of Hillary Clinton over the years and donated to numerous Democratic politicians including Harry Reid and the Clinton foundation. I know he says he's made these donations because it is good business, but he has also praised the politicians whose beliefs are the opposite of everything he now says he stands for.  He has pretty much contradicted himself on EVERY SINGLE ISSUE.  These are not views he held decades ago, either.  These are all positions he has taken in very recent years.  I find it it extremely hard to believe that he's had a genuine change of heart on so many issues.  Instead, I think he is telling the American people what they want to hear to get elected.

I also don't think he can beat Hillary Clinton.  I think the media has largely given him a pass because they want him to be the nominee, because this would be the easiest ticket to a President Hillary Clinton (yikes, scary!) The only thing scarier to me than a Donald Trump presidency is a Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders presidency. I don't think you can even begin to imagine how the media is going to destroy Trump the second he gets the nomination. Republicans, this should be our year.  After 8 years of Obama, we would have to do something crazy to lose this election...and I think nominating Donald Trump would be just that...crazy.

Most importantly, decency.  Just decency.  I read an awesome blog post by Max Lucado called, "Decency For President." I am a person that thinks the way you treat people says absolutely everything about you. The tweets Trump sends out.  The things he says about women.  The disgusting words he uses. The way he attacks everyone. Is a man that constantly hurls insults at everyone in his path really someone you want representing the United States to the rest of the world? I believe as a Christian that the most important thing in a leader is that he or she is taking guidance from our Heavenly Father.  That is not to say mistakes won't be made, but I want to know that the leader of this great country is looking to God for guidance and prayerfully considering big decisions.  It is not my job to judge Donald Trump or his Christianity, but I can say that I don't think he is a great representation of the Christian faith, or of decency for that matter. That matters to me, and I am having a hard time understanding why it doesn't matter more to the rest of the country.

People, tomorrow is Super Tuesday.  This is a BIG day in the election.  After Tuesday, if Trump is still leading, the race is pretty much over.  When you go to vote, I hope you will think about who will best represent the United States of America to the rest of the world.  I hope you will think about who will be a humble leader.  I hope you will think about who will best fight for your values.  I hope you will think about who has the best chance of beating Hillary Clinton.  BUT, if you forget everything else, please just think about decency.  If you are planning on pushing that button for Donald Trump, I hope you will prayerfully reconsider.

Sincerely,

One Crazy Conservative Mama (now back to writing about baby stuff!)

Friday Favorites- The Best Toddler Scooter

We LOVE this YBIKE GLX Scooter. Anyone that follows me on social media has probably seen pictures and videos of Cole riding it.  Cole's great-grandma, Gigi, got it for him two Christmases ago, when he was not quite 18 months old.  We laughed initially when we opened it, thinking, "Gigi, Cole won't be able to ride this thing until he is like four."  Boy were we wrong!  That day he stood on it and let his Daddy push him around the house, and by the summer when he was not even two, he was riding around by himself.  It's super stable and easy to maneuver.  It comes in blue, green and pink, and it would make the perfect Christmas or birthday gift. I promise, your toddler will LOVE it!

Here he is at 17 months old (Christmas Eve 2014)

The best part is that it's a great way for this wild man to burn off some energy (AKA it wears him out!)

I plan to share some more of my favorite toys/gifts for my kiddos soon. HAPPY FRIDAY, Y'ALL! :)

Meal Planning Monday: Slow Cooker Teriyaki Pork Chops

Meal planning Monday is on a Thursday...again.  I actually did make these yummy pork chops on Sunday and planned to blog them on Monday, but the week got away from me....mom life! ;)

My husband Phil raves over these crockpot teriyaki pork chops.  This is my favorite way to make pork chops- minimum prep time, and they always come out DELICIOUS!  I know our little two year old would love them, too, if he would ever try them! (He is going through a carb/fruit stage that has lasted, oh, about a year and a half so far...) I found the recipe on Pinterest years ago and have been making them from memory ever since.  I can't seem to find the exact original recipe I used, but if I do, I will link to it.

From the Store:

4 boneless pork chops

1/3 cup of chicken broth

1/4 cup soy sauce

2-3 cloves garlic

2 tablespoons brown sugar

salt and pepper 

1. In a bowl, add the 1/3 cup of chicken broth (do not get less sodium, never tastes as good), 1/4 cup of soy sauce and 2 tablespoons of brown sugar to a small mixing bowl.

2. Chop 2-3 cloves of garlic into small pieces.

I like to use this chopper for garlic.

3. Add the garlic to the mixture.

4. Next, place 4 pork chops in the bottom of your crock pot. Salt and pepper them.

5. Pour the mixture over the top of the pork chops.

6. Cook on low for 5-6 hours (this isn't a meal you can leave in the crock pot all day, unfortunately.  I did that once and the pork chops were burned terribly. If your low setting seems to cook high, then check at 4 hours.)

7. Flip the pork chops halfway through and make sure they are still covered in the mixture.

8. The pork chops are ready when you stick a fork in them, and they are super soft and easy to cut.  Once they are ready, you can leave them on warm until you are ready to eat.  Don't let them sit for too long and dry out, though.

9. ENJOY!  This isn't the best picture, but the pork chops are SO yummy.  I like to serve them with baked squash and zucchini and rice.

Recipe Card:

1. In a bowl, add the 1/3 cup of chicken broth (do not get less sodium, never tastes as good), 1/4 cup of soy sauce and 2 tablespoons of brown sugar to a small mixing bowl.

2. Chop 2-3 cloves of garlic into small pieces.
3. Add the garlic to the mixture.
4. Next, place 4 pork chops in the bottom of your crock pot. Salt and pepper them.
5. Pour the mixture over the top of the pork chops.
6. Cook on low for 5-6 hours (this isn't a meal you can leave in the crock pot all day, unfortunately.  I did that once and the pork chops were burned terribly.)
7. Flip the pork chops halfway through and make sure they are still covered in the mixture.
8. The pork chops are ready when you stick a fork in them, and they are super soft and easy to cut.  Once they are ready, you can leave them on warm until you are ready to eat.  Don't let them sit for too long and dry out, though.
9. ENJOY!  I like to serve them with baked squash and zucchini and rice.

Friday Favorites: The Best Little Handheld Vacuum EVER! (ON SALE!)

Mama friends, you NEED this!

I posted this picture of my new favorite little handheld vacuum on social media, and I had about 100 people ask me where they could get one.  Phil got it for me for Christmas, and it is my FAVORITE present (you know you're a mom when your favorite gift is a vacuum). Seriously, this little thing ROCKS: so lightweight, charges easily, and it picks up everything! Although, if you use it to pick up a biscuit, it might get clogged (don't ask me how I know!)  I took the picture above after I used it in and around Cole's carseat...I know, how gross is that?!  I think it picked up an entire bag of Goldfish and at least one mini box of Craisins.

It's ON SALE, so get one today, friends!  You will thank me.  Happy Friday!